notes

So many times in the past few years, I have woken up feeling more tired than before I went to bed. I have felt like I lost the will to live, to smile, to be me. I have over thought the texts I sent, the things I said, the decisions I made and I have cursed myself out, blaming myself for every bad thing that happened to me. I was right in doing so in so many situations but there were so many things my heart knew was out of my control. I still hated myself for not having things under control. That is what DEPRESSION feels like. When you hate to do things and hate yourself for not wanting to do things.  I remember being the person that people came to when they were sad, I remember being there for them and telling them it was going to be okay but then nothing irritated me more that when people said it was going to be okay. I remember watching greys anatomy all night and crying because that is what my heart felt like. Eventually I worked to a point where I started appreciating what I ha...

2015 took away a lot of things from me; my grandmother passed away and I didn't get a good bye, my home got hit with a massive earthquake and took away a lot of things that reminded me of "home" and a little piece of my soul kept on slipping away a bit at a time. Now, you might think this is about to be a whole debacle of sad stories that will compel you to get a box of tissues and a pint of ice cream and just compare your losses with mine but that is definitely not the case. Every morning, I still wake up to my mother blowing up my phone on skype and giving me hell over the tattoo I got last year and then I point out something worse my brother did and she gets off my case and believe it or not, that is about one of the biggest things that I look forward to when I go to bed. Life as I planned is definitely not the one I'm living right now. I am a terrible driver, have the hardest time with deadlines, I drink and sometimes I have a hard time shutting up when I'm re...