A little love from Kita!
While my highly intoxicated mind tries to juggle my real life thoughts with my life long dream of being married to will-I-am; I'm yet to decide why in the hell I chose to write at this hour of the night! I see double, legit double! It could be cause I pulled my contacts out after 14 hours or cause I guzzled a few doubles of crown royale. That's a debate that will carry on for about a few more decades! Any who, These past few months won an Oscar and about three Grammys on the category of " kita's worst losses ever!! " ( all my American friends find it excruciatingly impossible to call me "mikita" hence, kita!)
Apart from losing the best person I knew to exist; my grand father late Mr. Nepal Man Singh Pradhan, I sorta felt like I lost a part of who I was. Mind you, I was the second kid in my class who ever got glasses and mind you those glasses were pink plastic with the string thingy that screamed social suicide. Point being, it is not new for me to stand out in the crowd with a royal level weirdness.
I have juggled with depression, I have made endless attempts to hurt myself, taken medication, talked to doctors that didn't speak a lick of nepali or English and I have also managed to drag myself out of it. I made a Promise to myself that as long as I could control, nobody I cared for would go through the same pool of shitsea I swam through. As far as I know, I did everything I could w/o wanting anything in return. Female Brains are legit shit holes. They program you to think that the world is like tinker bells blonde locks and everything nice you do will somehow spiral back to you like the whole
Pixie dust shit. When I felt like I lost a piece of my life, I seeked HELP from a few people that I had managed to turn around, simply because I didn't wanna go back to taking medications that made me drowsy but kept me from ideations that encouraged me to go find a cliff and jump off of it. I hit every source I felt like i could count on and all I got was "I'm sorry I had things. I hope you understand!"
I UNDERSTAND! That's what I've always done but now I UNDERSTAND EVEN CLEARER THAT I WAS TOO NAIVE TO THINK WHATEVER THE HELL GOES AROUND COMES AROUND!
New lesson: respect is a two way damn street and so are favors. While the bank of kita closes infinitely for those who cash in free favors, I truly hope it isn't an inconvenience. And even if it is; I have no fucks to give! THANK YOU
Love "kita" 😊
Apart from losing the best person I knew to exist; my grand father late Mr. Nepal Man Singh Pradhan, I sorta felt like I lost a part of who I was. Mind you, I was the second kid in my class who ever got glasses and mind you those glasses were pink plastic with the string thingy that screamed social suicide. Point being, it is not new for me to stand out in the crowd with a royal level weirdness.
I have juggled with depression, I have made endless attempts to hurt myself, taken medication, talked to doctors that didn't speak a lick of nepali or English and I have also managed to drag myself out of it. I made a Promise to myself that as long as I could control, nobody I cared for would go through the same pool of shitsea I swam through. As far as I know, I did everything I could w/o wanting anything in return. Female Brains are legit shit holes. They program you to think that the world is like tinker bells blonde locks and everything nice you do will somehow spiral back to you like the whole
Pixie dust shit. When I felt like I lost a piece of my life, I seeked HELP from a few people that I had managed to turn around, simply because I didn't wanna go back to taking medications that made me drowsy but kept me from ideations that encouraged me to go find a cliff and jump off of it. I hit every source I felt like i could count on and all I got was "I'm sorry I had things. I hope you understand!"
I UNDERSTAND! That's what I've always done but now I UNDERSTAND EVEN CLEARER THAT I WAS TOO NAIVE TO THINK WHATEVER THE HELL GOES AROUND COMES AROUND!
New lesson: respect is a two way damn street and so are favors. While the bank of kita closes infinitely for those who cash in free favors, I truly hope it isn't an inconvenience. And even if it is; I have no fucks to give! THANK YOU
Love "kita" 😊
This one is pretty good. Relatable in so many levels. ����
ReplyDelete