notes

So many times in the past few years, I have woken up feeling more tired than before I went to bed. I have felt like I lost the will to live, to smile, to be me. I have over thought the texts I sent, the things I said, the decisions I made and I have cursed myself out, blaming myself for every bad thing that happened to me. I was right in doing so in so many situations but there were so many things my heart knew was out of my control. I still hated myself for not having things under control. That is what DEPRESSION feels like. When you hate to do things and hate yourself for not wanting to do things.  I remember being the person that people came to when they were sad, I remember being there for them and telling them it was going to be okay but then nothing irritated me more that when people said it was going to be okay. I remember watching greys anatomy all night and crying because that is what my heart felt like. Eventually I worked to a point where I started appreciating what I ha...

2015 took away a lot of things from me; my grandmother passed away and I didn't get a good bye, my home got hit with a massive earthquake and took away a lot of things that reminded me of "home" and a little piece of my soul kept on slipping away a bit at a time. Now, you might think this is about to be a whole debacle of sad stories that will compel you to get a box of tissues and a pint of ice cream and just compare your losses with mine but that is definitely not the case. Every morning, I still wake up to my mother blowing up my phone on skype and giving me hell over the tattoo I got last year and then I point out something worse my brother did and she gets off my case and believe it or not, that is about one of the biggest things that I look forward to when I go to bed. Life as I planned is definitely not the one I'm living right now. I am a terrible driver, have the hardest time with deadlines, I drink and sometimes I have a hard time shutting up when I'm re...

Red is the color of fire, danger and most importantly blood. When all these things mix up, a coagulation of fear and destruction occurs.  A part of the world is mourning a huge loss that happened in the #peshawar attack. However, some are just taking this as an opportunity to downtalk and bash "islam" as a faith. It is a terrible time for Muslims all over again when they have to be subjected to judgmental stares at the market, or witness the exhibition of the annhilation of the remains of their pride on social media. What people don't realize is no God ever asked for the mutilation of lives. Religion isn't bad, people are. A couple of days back, I was served with an offensive comment on my twitter account because this guy that I didn't know existed assumed I was a Muslim. His words were something like I needed to stop following a pedophilic prophet and discard the faith that encouraged the mutilation of women. I'm assuming he gets his information from the bar...

The first thing I do when I wake up every morning is reach for my phone and check my Facebook and twitter. I'm one of the social networking addicts as labeled by the people who pretend to be out of this "loop". What people don't realize is that social networking is not only for teenage girls who post 15 selfies a day. Believe it or not, it has other functions too; useful ones to be precise. I live 1000's miles away from home. Sometimes facebook is the only way I see the smiling faces of my loved ones. No wonder that is my go to place before I get out of my bed and take a trip to the coffee pot. You wouldn't believe how many friends I have reconnected with via social networking from all over the world; all the ones that I grew up with, the ones with whom I learned my A, B, C's. It's a great feeling! Sometimes, it's easier to reach out to people via this so - called bad culture as opposed to emails because of the easy access and popularity it has ...

You know you are from Nepal when: 1.        You refer to 11 and 12 class as college as opposed to high school. 2.        Your favorite thing to eat when you go out is MoMo. 3.        Saree is the best attire on a girl. 4.        You love nepali radio over nepali television anyday. 5.        You go to a wedding and all you hear is “you’re next” 6.        Every friend’s moms and dads are uncles and aunties. 7.        Your favorite band is 1974 ad. 8.        You know the #Rhythmbrothers. 9.        You have to whisper under the blanket for late night phone calls. 10.    You don’t have a curfew, you just can’t go out as much. 11.    When you are abroad and the first answer to mom’s “N...

You wake up every morning, you get out of bed and jump back in to the sea of monotonous waves; at least that is what i do. It is pretty hard to appreciate anything when all you do is do the same things over and over but life has its own mysterious ways of making you special, whether you feel it or not. Never had i ever thought i would appreciate a 2 degree weather in my life but having lived in the negative twenties the past few days turned my misery to a new celebration, almost a holiday. It made me think about all the other times i bitched and moaned about how bitter my life was but in reality, that is what life did to me to make me a unique me. Fortunate are those who don't have everything but see every possibility in what little they have. Not all people are vested with such amazing conscience. Sometimes, it is a necessity to develop such a quality, to raise your head and your glass at life. First world problems might just be limited to someone un-friending you on Facebook, o...

notes: makes you stronger : What doesn't kill you makes you stronger; so true yet so false. I play with this thought way more than its considered normal. Life happe...